ok, it's january 2nd now. the new year is growing old. tick tick tick; before i know it, it will be february and then summer will be ending, i'll turn 50, we'll have an election and christmas and it'll be news year eve and i'll be thinking -- again -- of a year gone, a year to come.

and so it ever was.

there are traditions to a new year, resolutions and football and regrets. i don't do tradition very well; more like a wave hello and then move along. tradition can take care of itself; that's how it got to be this old in the first place. for me the new year is generally an unbroken step out of the old. i did not become a new person at midnight. nothing in my life changed. if my life is to become different, if i'm going to do something that resembles fulfilling a resolution, then i am going to have to do as the same old me. the same old me is going to have to do something new and different to change.

and that's what's on the agenda: the same old me thinking about living my life differently. i'm not inspired or desperate; i'm just tired. the way i'm living my life has worn me out. it's a dreary exhaustion, too, not a wild living and crazy days type of exhaustion. just pathetic. i'm tired of being pathetic. so i'm going to try to be something else. not gonna resolve, no big decision or anything like that. nothing to loom above me like a damoclean sword. just the desire to do things a bit differently.

happy different new year.