i cannot read Gilmore Girls websites because I am still only through episode 16 of Season 3. i already have bumped into spoiler information, one in particular (about Yale) that really pisses me off. i'm trying very hard to avoid such tragedies in the future. so i don't know what people talk about regarding the show, if i'm alone in hating Jess, or what people thinks motivates the writers. and it's the latter that interests me. i have no desire to discuss the show as soap opera (gosh, will Rory and Jess have sex?), but i do want to talk about GG as story.

this is how far i am with the story: Rory has just been accepted by Harvard (and Yale and a few others); Lorelai is dating Alex (which meant that both my sons were now a nominal part of the show) but has kissed Max in the cloak room; Luke is dating but still wild for Lorelai; Sookie and Jackson are pregnant; and Paris has had her nationally televised meltdown. Season 3 is coming to a climax (leading to a trip to Europe, i'm assuming). in watching the show to this point, i have developed my own idea about the primary force shaping Lorelai's actions and thoughts. i doubt my idea matches that of many other fans, but until i catch up with the show, i'll not be able to find out.

the primary force in Lorelai's life is pain. it's a quiet pain, subtle and well-bred, but it is pain. created initially in a family that had a single value - propriety - this pain developed through loneliness, the refusal of her parents to recognize or countenance her individuality, and the shackling of Lorelai's free will. or the attempt to shackle her; Lorelai never submitted to her family's attempts to restrain her. she fought ferociously against every attempt to subordinate her will to propriety (or, more properly, Propriety), and the battles wounded her terribly. she grew up battered in her soul, but she not only never gave up: she never grew scarred. her wounds, invisible to the unseeing eyes of her parents (and, it appears, her teachers and her peers, including Christopher), remained raw and sore. but instead of trying to eliminate the pain directly, or bowing to her parents' will, Lorelai cherished the pain. her sense of self was so strong, she allowed nothing to diminish it. not even pain.

but no one can fight off pain forever. the mind and body cannot survive relentless suffering. eventually something will snap, and the will breaks. Lorelai would have broken at some point if something did not change in her life, which is why Rory is so special. she broke the chain of events that would have eventually dragged Lorelai down. she was the path Lorelai needed, the catalyst. as Lorelai herself makes clear, of course, having a baby is no way to fix a life. but she got pregnant, she had the baby, and then she used that love and hope to fix her own life. she fled her parents (at last) and began to take control of her life.

if Lorelai had been willing to make compromises with her parents along the way, she would have ended up a terrible mess. if she had gotten pregnant under those circumstances, she would have done all they would have required: get married, live at home, become the Correct Mother and Wife. she would have been miserable. had she chosen, early in her life, to avoid pain and to instead be happy and comfortable, she would have instead been miserable - and repressed. repression can help avoid the sharper pangs of suffering that life brings, but it undermines happiness as it destroys the self. Lorelai made the tough choice, to be herself despite the pain. and the pain is what helped her to shape her life in a way that solidified her sense of self and give her a chance at happiness. what Lorelai understood early on is that pain and happiness are not mutually exclusive, and that the latter quite often depends on the former. it's simply a matter of how you choose to live with it. if you choose to live with it. she did, so she lived.