when Jimmy Buffett was separated from his wife, Jane, he wrote a song called "Distantly in Love". the song talked about how hard it is to hold on through separation — in his case, a separation that threatened to be permanent (but was not, thank goodness). but the song also refused to give up on love, refused to give in to something as mundane as distance and separation.

i suddenly thought of this song in terms of my own life. i'm not separated from the one i love like that, which makes me very happy. being "broke up" sucks as much as anything short of death. being torn apart from the one you love is a terrible thing. i like knowing she not only loves me, she really really loves me. but the distance thing is hard. when i'm with her, a lot of things fall into place that are so much more difficult apart. it's part of what's broken in me, i think. when i'm with her, it's like an instant healing. but when i have to return home, hundreds of miles away, i find i have so much more healing to do.

over the next half-year or so, we'll get to spend more time together but have to spend even more time apart. i hope that in those times apart, i will find healing that does not require the temporary cure of being in the same room. i hope, of course, to have that, but i recognize that part of what i need, i need to find on my own. with the hurt exposed. but even hundreds of miles apart, i won't have to face the healing alone. separation is not always apart.