The problem I was having with "intrinsic identity" is that if I, as a person, an individual, have no such thing — if none of us do — then how can we insist on treating each other with decency? What's the purpose of love or respect? What's the purpose of life itself if we — if I — have no meaning?

But Buddhists do believe in respect, love and the sanctity of life. So I knew I was not clear in my thinking; I was missing something important.

Of course when I got it, it was very simple — and profound.

I do not have an identity that I can choose and name; if I do, it's a temporary label, a matter for this moment and no longer. Like all else I experience in life, problems and joys alike, it's transient and contingent. I know this because I have labelled myself so many things in my life, from loser to Mr Hot Shit. Sometimes I go in a matter of minutes from thinking I'm terrific to believing I am worthless. As down as I might feel in the morning, let a few good things happens and I'll end the day glowing with happiness. And that happiness can poof yet again.

Transient and contingent and devoid of meaning.

So today, as I walked home from work along the north end of Lake Union, enjoying the cool late afternoon, I thought about God and how, no matter what any Buddhist may insist, that I do believe in God. Not the unitary, named god of any religion — a god, or group of gods, that is simply a representation of what the believers want from their god — but God who is the Source of all that is. Don't ask me to define God beyond that, because I have no idea of the ultimate true nature of God. The universe exists, and there is something in the universe that lifts us above mere physical and chemical reactions. The emotions we feel are the voice of God within us.

Ok, that's not very clear, but it's something I haven't worked out fully in words yet. But suffice it to say, if God does exist, as I believe (and note my refusal to use personal pronous in speaking of God), then there is some form of meaning and identity to which we can, in some way, attach ourself. But not by a selfish claim.

God — use "the Universe" if you prefer, although I believe in some aspect of personhood and not an abstraction — could not just be there. Being is not meaning; being is less than emptiness. For God to exist and means something, for the Universe to exist, even in pure potential and nothing more, there needed to be more than just the being. I believe this something more is love. God created the universe and brought life into being in order to truly exist. Life was inevitable because God had to love or simply not exist — an impossibility.

God's meaning, therefore, is in the fact of creation. This is the lightbulb going on for me. I have no intrinsic identity or meaning as I live and act for myself, but when I give of my life and my love to others, I have meaning. This is not a new thought, of course, but in this chasing down of Zen thought — and my grasp of Zen principles is pretty damn shaky at this point; these writings serve more to show how little I know than anything else — to rediscover this idea while walking home from work was profound and wonderful.

Life can have meaning. I can have meaning; I can be someone who matters. But not by living for myself or taking care of me. By focusing my life on others, my life means something.

What Batchelor refers to as the lack of "intrinsic identity" is not an absolute. Buddhist teaching, it appears to me, begins with guiding individuals to a place where they can confront their own grasp on craving and help them to begin cultivating a life that is free of anguish — enlightenment. But once you begin to understand that and it takes root — the cultivated path — continued emphasis on self misses the point of the Buddha's life following his own enlightenment. He taught others so they, too, might be enlightened. After all, he began his spiritual quest in part because of the compassion he felt for those who suffered. Enlightenment helps us live free of anguish, a very good thing, but the point (and speaking of Buddhism having any "point" may be asking for trouble) is not to be happy and free of suffering; it's to give love to others. Otherwise, we're just a thing without purpose, meaning or being.